i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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