literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
