he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
