i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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