I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
