4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
