I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
