she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
