im having a threesome with these popsicles
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
