Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
