I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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