I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
