I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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