Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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