I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
