I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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