I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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