Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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