They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
