Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
false alarm, still single
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