Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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