I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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