I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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