gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
