Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize