Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Quick, to the slutcave!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
