Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
