he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
