Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
