You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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