Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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