i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
my liver is dry heaving
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
