My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
