How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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