Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
3 2 1 whiskey
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm like, not good at living.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
