dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
