My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
