And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Vodka?
Forever.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
