I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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