i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize