Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
