life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
