his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
