I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
