There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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