Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
