dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
