Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
