it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize