And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize