I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I want to be your penis for a week.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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