When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
