My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
