You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Randomize
