I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
