Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
