Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We have started to decorate penises.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
