I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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