I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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