So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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